Feeling Helpless

I think I define  a good part of my life by helping others.  Watching a friend’s children, covering a class, loaning someone my car.  Don’t know if it is my Christian upbringing or the sense of helplessness that I had as a child in a large family (10) where both my parents were alcoholics.  Doesn’t really matter where it came from, the point is that I feel best about myself when I am helping someone else.  So when I can’t help someone, I feel a little sick to my stomach and a LOT useless.

My step-father is just lying there.  The longer he lies there, the drier his lips get.  His hands and feet begin to swell.  And there is nothing I can do for him.  I touch his shoulder. I sing him a song.  I cover him with a blanket.  But there is nothing that I can actually do.  I feel a bit sick and a lot of helplessness.  Dear Lord, please be with Ed. Please heal him and let him know how loved he is. Amen.

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Remembering

So, my stepfather is in the hospital in Georgia.  I came down to spend Father’s Day with him, never expecting that this would be how we would spend it.  He is normally so full of life and energy…cracking jokes left and right.  But now he is on a ventilator and he looks so frail.  Almost like my children do when they are sleeping or sick themselves.  I touched his shoulder and told him I was here and his eyes struggled to open. But it was clear that it was too much and that he really wanted to connect but couldn’t.  So I will just sit here with him for a bit. 

On a more selfish note, I have to admit that this is very hard for me.  My mother died 5 rooms down.  I watched her on a respirator for five days and then I watched as she asked them to remove it.  And I saw her take her last breath surrounded by those who loved her.  I feel sick now and just pray that this isn’t repeated.  I don’t think I could take it.  Pray for him first, but please pray for me too.

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Biggest Take Away so Far

I have my OWN blog!!  Now if I could just have a following, then I’d feel really cool!  Seriously, the biggest take away so far would have to be the google aps – from hangouts to circles to docs to forms to gmail…google feels like it has the potential to take over the world, or at least my world.

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What I HOPE to Take Away

I would love to have a bunch of videos prepared for class – ones that help my students remember skills that I would rather not take class time teaching again.  In addition, I am thinking about flipping one of my classes (per administration permission) and I would love to use google forms to have the kids check in about the nightly learning they are doing on their own.  And Dropittome in conjunction with Dropbox will be great when we do projects.

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Too Much Navigation

I think I am still having trouble navigating the sea of information…too many places to check and too many places to remember how to navigate from one to the other…and each has its own methods.  Does this mean that I am getting old?  I hate that thought.  Or am I just having trouble concentrating? Hmmm….fun stuff…very interesting.  And I can see so many uses for the google docs/forms/spreadsheets in the math class room.  Especially if I flip the classroom and have students learn things at night, then I can use the form to assess what they’ve understood before we start problems in the class room.

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I think I am still having trouble navigating the sea of information…too many places to check and too many places to remember how to navigate from one to the other…and each has its own methods.  Does this mean that I am getting old?  I hate that thought.  Or am I just having trouble concentrating? Hmmm….fun stuff…very interesting.  And I can see so many uses for the google docs/forms/spreadsheets in the math class room.  Especially if I flip the classroom and have students learn things at night, then I can use the form to assess what they’ve understood before we start problems in the class room.

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